Diary of a Postpartum Yogi #2: Parenting is Hard
The past month has been bone-breakingly difficult. My 4-month-old is going through a sleep regression. He is also teething and our pediatrician says he is on the verge of a growth spurt. Each day my soul splits in many directions. I want to spend time with him and care for him, especially when he is struggling. I also yearn for uninterrupted time to work. I have forgotten what it feels like to be with my own thoughts for longer than an hour. I feel guilty for wanting this time; and yet, when I do not make focused time for work, I am a very tired and grumpy parent.
People say to me, “This time goes by so fast. Spend as much time as you can with your baby.” And I want to. And I want to stay sane. I desperately miss my regular yoga practice. I miss time for creativity, too. There is nothing like parenting a baby to force you into the present moment, especially when that moment is uncomfortable, hard, and/or unbelievably magical. In this way, parenting is a wonderful extension of yoga practice.
I took my first Postpartum Yoga with Baby class last week. It was such a treat to be a student at Yoga Sanctuary, to be held by the community that I hold. There was another 4-month-old in the group, and I swear Heron learned how to grab his foot from this baby, as he picked up the skill later in the day. I resonated so deeply with the other parents’ check ins, especially this feeling that everything is totally fine, until it is really not. As parents we are handling it, handling it, handling it, until something happens that we cannot handle, and we must surrender to our own limitations. We must ask for help.
In some ways I found the postpartum class challenging, especially managing my own body’s needs while still tending to my baby. Heron and I politely co-existing until he needed his late morning nap and he let me know it. I rocked him and felt my body scrunch over him, curled around him like a cave.
Ellen invited us to check in with our bodies, even as we helped our babies. I lengthened my spine and adjusted my shoulder blades back. I rooted my sitz bones into the floor. I reflected on the many times throughout the day that I rushed to my baby’s aid without maintaining any connection to my own needs, even something as basic as maintaining functional alignment.
During savasana my baby slept in my arms, and Ellen surrounded me with bolsters and blankets so that I felt supported while I supported Heron. It felt so lovely to lie back, to receive while giving. To sense my inner world while tending to this little love that is both a flame of my inner world and the expression of my heart, outside my body.
– Lindsay
